Bittersweet Memories
by Nikki-Chaos
Summary: One day Cassandra Lupin had her memories, the next she didn't. An accident playing Quidditch stole her memories from her but why are the people around her content on keeping them hidden from her and where does Draco Malfoy feature in to all of this?
1. Intro

**DISCLAIMER – All known characters and the Harry Potter world belong to the lovely J.K Rowling. I am simply playing with them and adding my own characters and places.**

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Memories!

A very fickle thing that a lot of people live their lives off. Something happens and they try everything to keep a track on it, be it to store it away in their minds for a rainy day or take as many photos as possible. Even the bad memories are catalogued so that we can re-visit and learn from our mistakes, either way no-one ever thinks of the day you could lose them.

I was the same, I always believed that no matter what happened I would have my memories and be them good or bad I would cherish them. Yeah like that lasted long, you see I was in an accident and one day I had all my memories and I was relatively happy, well I hope I was, the next I didn't know who anyone was, least of all myself.

I remember looking at all the faces surrounding my bed the day I woke up, I healer was talking to me but my whole concentration was on the strangers around my bed, I felt lost as those people meant something to me yet I couldn't remember them, I forgot them like last week's news. My heart broke as the healer told them I couldn't remember a thing, some of them cried, some grew angry whereas a handful of them just froze in shock their eyes locked onto mine as though I was going to start laughing and announce it was a joke.

Once the healer left they started throwing questions at me left and right, their voices intermingling till it sounded like static to my ears. Their questions lost beneath the drone of another's voice. I screamed in the end, just to make myself heard as well as to shut them the hell up. Once all eyes were on me, I told them to leave using the excuse I was tired and wanted to sleep. A few grumbles later and they left leaving me alone to my silence.

I cried yet for the life of me I don't know why. It wasn't for my memories as how can you miss something you don't remember, I didn't cry for the people who had lost someone they knew and instead had someone who didn't remember them, and I didn't cry for my accident which landed me in the predicament, apparently my accident was one of the worst they'd ever seen. I just cried and with each ugly and gut wrenching sob I felt a little better, not fully but a little.

I sat there long after the strangers left, my tears had dried up and the healer did the last round of the night just thinking. Trying to find something that felt familiar, my frustrations grew as I learnt that I not only lost my memories but I couldn't remember what I liked and didn't like, what my favourite colour was, how old was I, was I in a relationship, did I have children and the biggest question of all, what the fuck was my name.

I think what frustrated me the most was I had all the basic functions, I could speak; I could read I could write. I could move my whole body in what direction I wanted, I could identify certain things but when it came to remembering any person or object that meant something to me, I ran head first into a brick wall. I just didn't know it seemed that whatever was important in my life had just been rubbed out with an eraser, leaving me to be a simple human being.

As the early morning sun drifted in through the window lighting the room and extinguishing the candles, yeah that was weird, I could help but stop my mind drifting back to the strangers and some of the questions they asked, well the ones I could hear through the static.

Is there a cure?

Is it permanent?

How was I to go about my day to day life?

What happened now?

All good questions and all ones I couldn't help but worry about myself. I mean I didn't want to be memory-less for the rest of my life. How was I supposed to return to a life I didn't remember full of people I no longer knew and what did happen now. As to be brutally honest I don't think there's a step by step guide out there detailing what you're to do if you lose your memories and what your next move should be. I couldn't ask someone else who's been through this as not every two people are the same.

So I guess I'll just have to go with the flow.

Oh according to the healer who's just done the morning round, my name is Cassandra Lupin, Cassie for short. I'm twenty-two years of age, no children and I play a sport for a living and job which explains my accident and also I'm the daughter of Wizard Remus Lupin and an unidentified female witch.

Yeah apparently I'm a witch and can do magic. If it didn't hurt my head so much I'd laugh as that has to be the craziest thing I have ever heard. Which returns me to my previous statement; I'll just have to go with the flow and hope to find my feet along the way.

But seriously a witch?

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**End Note – So yeah this got stuck in my head after a dream.**

**I know it's short but it's only the introduction and I'll make the next chapter's bigger.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THNK.**


	2. Chapter 1

The strangers didn't revisit me for a couple of days and for that I was slightly grateful. I had way too much to deal with as it was my healers, who I soon learnt were also witches and wizards kept doing things that I couldn't explain. I was sceptical but the more I saw it the more I started to believe it, if only a little bit.

On the fourth or fifth day after my accident I was in the bathroom looking at myself in the floor length mirror for the first time. I had hazel eyes lined with golden flecks, they almost had a wolfish look to them, an average sized button nose and lips that were perfectly plumped and shaped into a perfect cupids bow. It was my hair though that was the biggest statement and pulled from my lips one of the first smiles id smiled since entering the hospital, it was jet black with bright pink streaks scattered randomly but underneath it was a bright blue, it reached the mid of my back and from what I noticed. I knew the black wasn't my natural colour due to my eyebrows being a light brown, a very stark contrast to the unmistakable style of my hair.

I found I had a tattoo, it looked like a lion, on my back which moved when I touched it. I put that down to a trick of the light, I mean no matter what tattoo's don't move. I also had a multitude of scars scattered across different parts of my body, some small, some medium, one that confused me was on the back of my left hand it read 'I must abide by the rules' it almost looked as though it had been carved into my skin. But none were as big as the one that lay behind my ear and disappearing into my hair, where the scar was situated my hair was missing which sucked as it meant once it grew I'd have to get my hair sorted. Luckily due to my hair's length I could hide it easily enough but it made me wonder exactly what type of sport I played.

After I finished pulling on clean underwear, jeans and t-shirt a knock comes to the door. I stand and wait to see if it's my healer who just knocks and walks in, yeah she has caught me in some right situations but when no one walks in and another knock rings out I walk with shaky steps out of the bathroom and over to it, pulling it open slowly. I saw that it was one of the people who was stood at my bedside when I first woke up, he was young yet his face made him look older then he was, the splintering's of grey hair in his light brown hair didn't help either, his shabby looking clothes seemed to hang off him as though they were too big for his lean frame.

"Hello" he says quietly as though not to upset me.

"Hi" I reply dumbly and can instantly feel the awkwardness seeping into the room blanketing everything.

I step aside and gesture for him to enter before walking back over to my bed and dropping down onto the rumpled bed sheets, I look over to see him pull up a chair and sit near the end of my bed.

"I'm Remus" he says trying to break the awkwardness, in my confusion as to why he's here I don't take note of his name or how it's similar to my apparent fathers.

"You know me" I shrug "So no point introducing myself"

He nods and I breathe out a strained breathe as the awkwardness begins to choke me, I take a deep breath and decide to ask something to break the silence.

"Is it true I'm a witch?"

"Oh yes" he nods his smile growing and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks to be a long piece of wood.

He holds it out in his hand and I look it over, the wood was lightly coloured and polished, the end of the wood in Remus' hand was slightly curved whereas the rest was perfectly straight, apart from the end that was facing me, it was styled like a handle and I could see slight grooves in the otherwise polished wood, they looked like finger marks. I reach forward to grab it and note my hands are shaky, I take another deep breathe and grasped the piece of wood. I felt some sort of humming emit in my hand from the wood as my fingers clasped around the grooves, noting my fingers fit effortlessly, a heat begin to spread up my palm and into my hand. I drop the wood onto the bed and look back up with wide eyes.

"Ah yes…That happens sometimes if you've been without it for a length of time…Sometimes it's a small hum but seeing as you've been without yours for two months it would have to get reacquainted with you"

I ignore some of Remus' words instead concentrating on one thing "Two months?" I gasp "I've been in the hospital two months"

It didn't make sense, I had only been awake five days, the healer said it herself. But then my scar, the wound was practically healed. It was slightly red around the edges but other than that, and there is no way a wound could heal that quick in that many days.

"You're accident was pretty bad" he starts after being silent for a few moments, his voice taking on a tone as though he's telling a small child their favourite pet had died "You were in a coma like sleep up until five days ago. Some of the healers didn't think you would make it, but obviously you did but with some slight changes"

"That's one way of putting my memory loss" I snark

A ghost of a smile lifts the corners of his mouth but he carries on as though I wasn't snarky, as though he's heard me speak like that a thousand times before and had simply learnt to ignore it.

"Due to these changes in you…your wand has to relearn you just as much as you have to relearn it"

I nod though I don't really understand his words, my eyes once again drifting to the small piece of wood on the bed, my wand. Mind you if someone had given me this before they told me I was a witch I probably would have thought they are stark raving mad, after being told I still think their mad but not as much.

The silence filters into the room again and I drop back onto the pillows, my eyes rolling to the ceiling as I think on his words. It's not only my wand, which is humming next to my leg that I have to relearn. I have to relearn my whole life, who was i? Which role did I play to all those people? I must have spoken the words out loud as Remus began talking again.

"Hermione, I know you don't remember her, has compiled you a book of memories. She thought it might help you a little"

I sit up and watch as he pulls a book out of his inside pocket, the shape of it about an A3. I take It from his hands and look down at the cover to see the cover is a gold cover with silver vines creeping off in different directions, my name was Embossed in a red and gold colour in the middle. I send a small thank you and place it on the bed next to my wand. Before I can open my mouth to talk again one of my healers walk in, she throws me a small smile before looking over at Remus.

"Can we talk?" She asks politely

Remus looks back at me and I nod, he gives me a small strained smile before standing from the chair and following the healer out of the room. Before the door can close another one walks in and over to me, bustling around with the potions or whatever she calls them on my bedside table.

"What's that?" She asks gently looking towards the book on the bed

"A memory book" I whisper "One of the people who was here when I woke up made me it"

"Well that's nice of them"

"Yeah"

"What's wrong?"

I watch as she comes to stand off to the side a little and look up into her old face, she gives off a grandmother vibe and out of all my healers she's probably the nicest one.

"I'm scared that opening the book is just going to lead to more disappointment. Yeah the pictures will show my life but I don't know the stories behind each picture"

"Honey…"

"And I'm also worried that opening the book will make them think I'm making progress, their hope will growl only for me to shoot them down when I don't remember, or I look at the pictures and see a lie"

She smiles sympathetically and hands me the purple liquid, the edges smoking a little. I take a deep breath and down the drink quickly, swallowing just as fast, the drink leaving a small burning sensation on my tongue as well as the taste of liquorice in the back of my throat. I hand her the empty bottle before grabbing my wand.

The humming starts again and this time red sparks come out of the end, but I don't drop it as the heat builds in my palm again, I let it move up and down my arm. Relief fills me as the wand stops humming and the heat settles in, I look down to see that the wood doesn't really look too out of place nestled inside my hand, shame I don't know how to use it anymore.

"I'm sure your friends will help you relearn magic" she says politely as though she read my mind "If not there are classes here every week you can attend which helps you learn the basics"

"Any classes on how to get my memory back"

"That battle is all up to you now darling. Sorry"

I nod and she bustles around a little more getting the two other drinks ready that I need at least three times a day, each one taste's disgusting yet I can feel my strength growing with each one. I turn to look at the Healer after finishing my last drink.

"Can you sign me up for them classes" My voice sounding like a little child's asking for a cookie

"Of course honey"

"Thanks"

She begins to leave after writing a few notes on my chart, I watch as she leaves and feel a little better about things, not much but that seems to be the running theme these last couple of days. I'd feel a little better as each day progresses.

If only my memories would progress that quick and come the fuck home.

Another sighs leaves my lips and I look back down to where the book and the wand lay on the bed pulling both towards me, I spare a short glance at the wand before shoving it under my pillow. I look back at the book to see the intricate design on the cover looks even more beautiful up close. Taking a deep breath I open it.

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**End Note – I know it isn't that long but I have written the next chapter and I promise it is longer than this so please give it a chance.**

**Anyway review and let me know what you think. PLEASE.**

**You're reviews mean a lot. Also if you guys want to suggest things then go ahead, I'll take them all into account.**


	3. Chapter 2

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW**

It was another two weeks before I was cleared to leave the hospital, well technically nearly three but who's counting. Add that to the two weeks I spent in the coma it meant I'd been in the hospital for a month in total.

Remus came to visit when he was free and I welcomed the company. He didn't tell me much about my life, to be honest I think he didn't want to upset me and I could respect that, well sort of. Instead he told me tales of the Wizarding world and of Hogwarts, the English Wizarding School that I attended from age 11-18, he also tried to reteach me some of my magic. Let's just say that didn't go to plan and we were normally found to be laughing for a good ten minutes over my failed attempts. It was usually at times like this, when he was happy, that I'd try and ask questions about the pictures in my memory book but he'd clamp up tighter than a pair of nun's knickers.

I didn't learn much about myself or my memories from the pictures as I did about the people featured in the pictures alongside me. After getting over the initial shock that the pictures move (I threw the book to the floor, screamed like a banshee and needed three healers to calm me down) I spent all my alone time studying the pictures. The front of the book consisted of pictures from my childhood and it was the ones with Remus in that I finally made the connection that he was my dad (he wants me to call him Remus at the moment not dad, I asked on one of his visits).

In the childhood pictures I was saddened to see that there was only ever Remus featured no pictures of my mum. The only other woman in a few of my childhood pictures was a woman called Lily Potter (the caption beneath her photo told me), who was normally featured with my dad, a bloke called Sirius Black and Lily's Husband James Potter. Later in the book I saw another boy who looked like James called Harry, I guessed he was their son; they were pretty much identical minus the lightning shaped scar on Harry's head.

There was also a big recurrence of people featured in the pictures :Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and other members of his family, Fred and George (twins), Ginny (youngest), his mum and dad, Bill and His wife Fleur, Charlie and Percy (the red hair kind of told me they were related well before I saw their captions). Angelina Johnson, Lee Jordan, Tonks (whose hair was different in every picture), Kingsley Shacklebolt, and a little boy who according to his caption was my younger brother Teddy were also featured in quite a big portion of my memory book.

There were some others but later on in the book they were missing, my healer Selene said they probably died in the war, what war I do not know but I do know from Remus, him, Tonks and Fred wouldn't be alive if it wasn't from me but apart from that he wouldn't say anymore.

I also learnt from the pictures that I was the same age as Harry, Ron and Hermione (give or take a few months), younger than Fred, George, Angelina and Lee who were two years older than me, and a good few years younger than Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Tonks and Percy.

My eyes kept drifting to the pictures that featured a tall, very majestic looking blonde. His eyes were a storm grey and seemed to hold the whole world's secrets. His name was Draco Malfoy and to me he was the biggest mystery that existed in my memory book, and one I really wanted to know more about as it seemed as though our friendship was a new thing seeing as he didn't appear in any earlier pictures before the war but appeared in ones after it (Selene and Remus helped me date the pictures). And according to Selene me and Draco used to be a couple due to how close we were in some pictures who then had a nasty break up which would indicate why he wasn't in later pictures ranging from a year before my accident. I just laughed at her but couldn't help but wonder if it was true.

I also played a sport called Quidditch, a sometimes deadly sport which explained my accident but apparently I was really good, hardly ever injured, and was currently on the English national team in the position of chaser (apparently they're the goal scorer). It didn't mean much as no one told me much about the sport for me to understand it nor how my accident happened.

I take one last look at the book before placing it inside my bag and with one last look around I zip it up. I place it with my other one before grabbing my wand from under the pillow and place it in the back pocket of my jeans. Just as I was turning to look once more around the room, Remus walks in with another person behind him.

"Hi I'm…" He starts"

"Harry" I reply cutting him off "The memory book" I add hastily as I see his confused look

"Ah" He nods "Hermione I take it"

"Yeah"

Just like the first initial meeting with Remus the awkwardness starts to settle in around us, I glance to Remus to see him barely containing his smile before looking back at Harry. His Jet black hair is just as untidy as it is inside the memory book, his glasses sitting on his nose comfortably covering his emerald green eyes. My eyes drift to his forehead where the lightning shaped scar I'm used to seeing is barley visible.

Remus coughs lightly and I stop my staring of Harry, colour flooding my cheeks in embarrassment and look at Remus to notice my bags are missing.

"I sent them along already"

"Ready to go?" Harry asks breaking the silence.

I nod and follow both Remus and Harry from the room, down long corridors, down steep stairways, only jumping a few times at the moving and talking pictures and out into a large lobby that boasted one large desk with a large queue in front of it and few chairs scattered here and there. We walk towards a large open and empty area before Remus turns back to me.

"I need you to grab my arm and hold on tightly. Try not to puke as this won't be a sensation you're used to" I look at the timid smile and feel scared

"O…Okay"

"You've travelled like this before" he states "But since you lost your memories you won't remember it or how it feels"

I nod perfectly understanding that but also I'm shocked, that's the first time Remus has openly talked about my memory loss.

"Close your eyes, it sometimes helps" Harry adds a sympathetic smile on his face.

I nod and grab Remus's arm tightly and do as Harry says. The moment my eyes are closed I feel a large sucking sensation start in my stomach before it spreads to my whole body, the feeling as though I'm being squeezed through a pipe surrounds me. After a few moments it's over and I land on shaky feet, grabbing hold of Remus even tighter as I open my eyes to see that were a no longer at the hospital.

Instead in front of me stood a large two story cottage, the white windows and doors surrounded by vines that seem to be house flowers in the summer season. I look around the house to see that there is nothing but countryside, long rolling green hills.

"We had to amend your ward...Security measures" Harry says coming to a stop beside me "You like your privacy"

"This…This is...My house"

"Oh yes" Remus nods a little laugh escaping with his words "Come on let's get inside the October chill is starting to settle in"

I follow Remus up the quaint little stone path and to the front door, he unlocks to before stepping aside to let me in. I walk in and stop short in the entrance way, my eyes roaming everywhere like a fat kid trying to find their next sweet.

The entranceway was simple yet cosy, it was painted a light beige colour, the stairs dominated most of the left side with the coat rack and shoe rack just behind the door, to the right was the living room, a roaring fire lit in the stone fireplace, the top mantle covered in pictures, some I recognized from my book. A couch and two chairs, which looked exceptionally comfy, were settled in front of the fireplace in way that no matter where you were sat the heat could reach you. The right wall from floor to ceiling was covered in a bookcase; each slot filled with row after row of books ranging from all topics from the looks of things, to the left sat a TV, stereo and DVD player. With shelving units behind it covered in DVD's. The walks of this room where a mix of red and beige which helped to not only keep the heat in the room but I could tell that in summer it would also be quite a cool and relaxing room.

I walk further in and see the other door of the entranceway leads to the quaint kitchen, my feet lead me inside and I see a small dining room table and four chairs, a complex unit of cupboards and draws covered in a marble top. The window in the kitchen shows more of the countryside. I walk out the kitchen and pass Remus and Harry who were hanging up their coats and walk upstairs.

The upstairs boasted two bedrooms and a bathroom, each room having a door that leads into the bathroom. The master bedroom was where I found my bags situated on a chaise lounge thing at the bottom of a rather large four poster bed draped in reds and gold's. The walls were painted a white colour minus the wall behind the bed which was a mixture of red and gold to match the bed sheet. The master bedroom also had a walk in wardrobe which also had a broomstick inside it, the handle sporting the words 'Thunderbolt', it's one I recognized from my recent sporting picture and also white and red uniform which I guessed was my Quidditch uniform.

The bathroom was rather simple white and blue room housing a shower, a large bath a toilet and racks and drawers which no doubt housed towels and other Nik naks. The other bedroom was painted in a mixture of soft blues and greens; it also had a double bed which I noticed was unnaturally low to the ground. A wardrobe was to the right and a box full of toys stood under the window next to the radiator.

"You made this Teddy's room"

I turn to see Harry stood in the doorway and I nod

"Did I look after him often" I ask timidly

"Oh yes" Harry smiles "He loves his Cassie as he calls you, you had him whenever Tonks and Remus would let you which was nearly all the time. The two of you together meant Remus gave in quite quickly"

"I wish I could remember him" I whisper

"You will" Harry says with clarity and I look at him puzzled "You were the second smartest in our year just behind Hermione, well joint second with someone else but you mastered every exam and each one had top marks and yeah you kind of threw it all away when you joined the Quidditch team but I know if anyone can get their memories back its you"

"I wish I had the same confidence as you"

"Give it time" Harry sighs

I nod and follow Harry out of the room shutting the door quietly behind us, neither of us talk as we walk in the living room and settle down onto the couch, the heat from the fireplace heating my cold skin.

"I put the radiators on when I came upstairs" Harry states turning slightly to look at me "Remus doesn't do well with muggle things but I was raised by them so I do okay"

"Muggle?" I question

"Non-magic people"

"Oh…So how can I manage these muggle things then?"

"No idea" Harry laughs "But I did say you were smart"

"Yeah you did" I laugh slightly before looking to the doorway

Remus walks in with a tray of tea in his hand and lays it down on the coffee table I didn't see till I sat down. I grab a cup and place my sugar and milk in before allowing Harry to pour me the tea. I thank him before settling back into the couch. Remus sits to my right and distantly I feel as though this is something we've done quite a few times in the past.

"When's your first lesson?" Remus asks after taking his own sip of tea

"On Monday…So seeing as today's Saturday it's not far away"

"Lessons?" Harry questions adding more sugar to his tea

"To re-learn magic, the hospital supplies them and until I remember everything they're going to teach me the basics" I shrug "Which will also help in case I don't get my memories back"

"Don't"

I jump at the growl from Remus's mouth and look over with wide eyes to see a dark look on his features; I glance to Harry who supplies me with a smile. I tremble slightly but to ignore it I raise my tea to my mouth and blow slightly before taking a sip.

"Sorry" I whisper once the tea's gone down

"So what are they teaching you?" Harry asks and I could almost hug him as I feel some of the tension leave the air

"I'm not quite sure, the basics I think like simple spells that I'll probably need around the house"

"Cool"

As I place down my half empty cup I remember the Broomstick up in my wardrobe and also the question that has been nagging at me.

"What are my Quidditch team doing about my position seeing as I can't play"

"Oh they're using your reserve" Harry replies instantly "They aren't as good as you but seeing as you well can't play he's going to have to make do"

"I'm not missing anything important am i?"

"Well…The next game England are playing is the one that decides if they are going through to the world cup…and the team were hoping their best scorer would help them get there, the best scorer being you"

"Great" I groan "So in other words I'm missing something really fucking important"

Harry nods and I sigh, before moving the conversation on to other subjects, willing to use the fact that Harry will answer any question I ask whilst Remus sits quietly in the corner and broods. I had the distinct feeling that Remus wants me to regain my memories but at the same time he doesn't, otherwise he'd answer my questions. It's all confusing and to be honest driving me a bit fucking bonkers.

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**END NOTE –Nice Long one for ya. And I know Thunderbolt isn't actually a broomstick but seeing as this is after the war and such there would be new brooms then the ones featured in the book so therefor I made it up. And I know the world cup thing is probably off and according to JK England didn't qualify for the 2014 Quidditch world cup but this is my story so therefor they will. Okay…Okay**

**Okay so I want you guys to tell me if you think I need to speed things up or you like the speed I'm going at. I know I'm leaving a ton of questions unanswered but it need to be that way as I can't just go give everything away now can i.**

**So please review and let me know what you think, honestly. I'm begging as well by the way so pretty, pretty please review.**


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